Why We Do Not Have Kings

We do not have kings because the people we put in office are public servants who carry out the will of the people.

We do not have kings because kings can start wars without consulting anyone other than their courtiers and their fawning privy councils.

We do not have kings because the American people will not tolerate secret police such as those who once worked for Reza Pahlavi, the once Shah of Iran, and who made people disappear and families weep. "See something, say something, and turn in your neighbors" says the King's Security Minister.

We do not have kings because kings can have their minions arrest people without warrants and throw them into prison towers for years without trial.

We do not have kings because kings can send out tax collectors and their Sheriffs of Nottinghams to tax and confiscate until people bleed, especially those who question the realm and the king's power.

We do not have kings because kings drain their treasuries dry for their own private amusements. A king will not hesitate to travel lavishly to foreign lands, spending 60 to 100 million dollars to have fighter jets overhead, a hospital ship just offshore, and hundreds of security people surrounding him.

And why do we not have queens as well?

We do not have queens because when told that their subjects are hungry and cannot afford bread reply-

"Let them eat Ramen noodles!